Month: December 2013

Simply Put…..LOVE

simply putThis piece I contemplated doing for some time now, because I wasn’t exactly sure how I would integrate it in the theme of “purpose,” and on top of that there is so much that I could say. Thus, it was a matter of what should I say and what angle should I take in talking about “love,” I truly enjoy talking about love and relationships. Nonetheless, when you live a purpose-filled life and your intent is to get married or preserve a marriage relationship, there are basic things that need to be considered so that the person God put in your life on purpose to help you fulfill His purpose for your life never has to guess or doubt your love.

So as a disclaimer, this not about general love for other people, but specifically that eros love between you and the person God created just for you. I am not looking to bash either men or women in any sense, or point out red flags, or even give my own preferences, or an advice column of “what ifs,” or tell you that God wants you to get married (God has to show you his purpose in that area), or give a list of things to look for in a mate. Instead, this is just my Biblical translation of the non-negotiables, or basic blueprint, of what your love should look like. Oh! One more thing, I’ll try not to make it too long, and if you think it’s getting lengthy, please hang with me until the end.

Ladies first.

Simply put, Paul said it best, the best way to love a man, or make him feel loved, is to respect him (Ephesians 5:33). Respect means recognizing the fact that he is a man, not a woman, thus, the very way he thinks and lives is completely different, and loving him first and foremost means to appreciate who he is as a man, without trying to change him into a woman. Respect implies that you don’t talk to him like you are or he is crazy or do any thing that would make him feel less of a man. All in all, just let him be the man, be the leader, and respect and honor the position that the Lord put him in, which means you submit, and if you believe that God put you two together, you should be able to trust and be obedient to the leadership of that man. Respect means acknowledging he is not perfect, and never will be, but you still stick with him no matter what (1 Corinthians 7:10),  you stay with him through all the mess that any relationship goes through. He needs to know that no matter who else walks out of his life, even if it is his own mama, you will never leave, no matter how mad or frustrated either of you are. Looking at the definition of respect, the idea is that you hold a person in high esteem, or in high regard, which means treat him with dignity, and frankly in this case, treat him like a king. When you respect the man God has for you as a king, there are things you do to make sure the king is taken care of, so while he is out striving to be the Psalm 112 man, you are to be the Proverbs 31 woman and take care of the home (whatever that means), which should be the most peaceful place and your man’s favorite place to go. Furthermore, that respect includes each part of that man, his visions, his dreams, his personality, his family, and his preferences, so be considerate of what he likes, as well as understanding and considering his feelings. Also, be his helpmeet (Genesis 2:18), that means as a woman do all you can to support him, encourage him, pray for him, help him be the best man God has him to be at home, at work, in relationships, in his visions, with his health, with his gifts, with his talents, his mentality, his emotions, etc. His life should be better because you are in it and he should be proud to show you off, which means what you look like and how you carry yourself should make him look better, even when he isn’t around, as would a queen, and I’ll leave it there. Since he found you, make sure he never has to doubt he found a good thing (Proverbs 18:22). Long story short, when you respect him, you love him the most.

To the gentlemen.

After all that, you may wonder how to make your woman feel most loved, and Paul explained that too: you love her (Ephesians 5:33). It may sound redundant, but love is what any woman desires, especially one that is in committed relationship. What does that love look like? She has to be the number one woman in your life, the only woman in your life, not your mama or your friends (male or female) (Genesis 2:24), and she needs to be assured of that. Likewise, the Bible calls what you found a good thing, so treat her right like a good thing; take care of her like you would a good thing (Proverbs 18:22); protect her like a good thing; be kind to her in word and actions, and esteem her like good thing. In loving her, she needs to know that no matter what you will not leave her and that your commitment to her is true and sincere (1 Corinthians 7:11). As the leader of the house, your responsibility is to give yourself to her and do what you can to make her stronger, better, wiser in her spiritual walk (Ephesians 5:25), and when you love her, you are to appreciate her as a woman, just as Adam would’ve appreciated Eve after so much time had passed before God created her; Adam understood the blessing she was, respected her, dignified her, valued her, and loved her. In the same way, submit to her (Ephesians 5:21), implying that you listen to her, value her opinion and who she is to you, and be considerate of her needs, loving her as much as you love yourself. Above all, loving her means knowing her (1 Peter 3:7), or rather taking interest and learn all you can about the specific woman God gave you. For example, know your queen’s love language (gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, personal touch, or acts of service), know her shoe size, her favorite candy, her pet peeves, her little habits, her clothing sizes, her favorite earrings, her favorite store or brands, her favorite foods, her biggest dreams or desires; know her time of the month, her birthday, what makes her smile, and what makes her cry; know when she wants to be held or be left alone; know her favorite song, her favorite book, her favorite movie, the size of her family and the type of childhood she had, and her favorite hobbies. You get the point, because I can go on and on, and of course all this takes time, but these are the basics. Long story short, to love her, you love her.

Overall, when you are in a relationship, the way to keep things smooth, is remembering it’s not about you, it’s about the other person, and like you blow out your candle in a wedding ceremony, problems start when you decide to relight your candle that you blew out. Now these things mentioned are fairly straightforward for any serious relationship, married or not, except the idea of home. God’s will is not to be living with or having sex with anyone other than your husband or wife, not your boyfriend/girlfriend, fiance, or person you think you will marry. Home and sex are specifically for those that say “I do” (1 Corinthians 7:1; Songs of Solomon 8:4; Genesis 2:24). Still, for those that are, your bodies are no longer your own. Therefore, give you husband or wife what he or she wants, otherwise that’s how the enemy like to creep (1 Corinthians 7:2-6). If you respect him, respect his need and desire for sex, or if you love her, cater to the love her body desires.

Well, if you made it this far, thank you for going all the way and sticking with me on this one. Hope you got something out of it. Now if this applies in any way to you or your current situation, simply put, go and love on purpose.

Diamonds & Rubies

I think the ideal life of purpose for the man or woman of God is summed up in these two verses.

Most men will proclaim every one his own goodness: but a faithful man who can find? ~ Proverbs 20:6

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. ~ Proverbs 31:10

Now a days it is hard to find a faithful man, in more categories than one. To find a man who is trustworthy, respectable, and committed to each aspect of his life is uncommon. There are so many things that are distracting and living in this type of society, it’s all about moving on to the next, plus, many have their own pride and ego. However, this verse tells us what a man of purpose is all about: he is faithful. diamonds

This man knows his purpose, knows his place and or his role in his various relationships and positions in life, but more importantly he is faithful and committed to each task and his word is truly his bond. He is intentional about all that he says, does, and gets involved with, while refusing to give up or throw in the towel during difficult times. As a man, when both, other people and God, find you faithful (Proverbs 3:3-4), you are on the good path; the Lord is able to trust you to do what He has for you to do, and others can depend on you. As a result, a faithful man’s actions speak for themselves, so he doesn’t have to brag on himself, as this verse infers. Furthermore, a faithful man’s mantle and influence will be so much greater than another not living a focused life and also gains a larger portion of the Lord’s favor over his life.

rubiesOn the other hand, a virtuous woman is also a rare find, a woman of purpose who knows her purpose and understands her worth and identity in Christ, focused on leaving a legacy for generations after to follow. Seeing all these reality TV shows and how media often portrays woman, virtue seems to be a lost jewel, meaning a woman who does not compromise her dignity or self-respect, her standards, values, or morals. A full description of such a woman is found specifically in Proverbs 31, and long story short, she takes care of her own. She loves and serves the Lord, takes care of her family, and impacts the communities around her. Because she is hard to find, her worth, as the verse says, is far more than rubies, which are rarer and more valuable than diamonds. She lives and does not just exist; she is motivated and driven, honorable, and respectable.  A virtuous woman is very intentional as well in what she does or says.

Because these are such rarities, when they find each other, this is what is known as a power couple. I haven’t done a post about love, and at some point I will, but for the sake of this post, if a faithful man finds a virtuous woman, and or a virtuous woman falls for a faithful man, these two together are able to rock this world and lead nations. Of course, each has to get his or her own right cut, if you get what I mean.

Until that happens, I encourage you to strive to be the rare diamond, a faithful man, or the rare ruby, a virtuous woman. The demand is high, the supply is few, and your value to this world is priceless and as you shine in the light of Jesus, your beauty radiates across the hemispheres. Living on purpose and with purpose, you are the precious gem among so many stones. So I ask, are you the answer to these questions in Proverbs? Are you what the world is looking for?